Waiting on God…


My mind has been resting lately on the sovereignty and goodness of God and what that looks like in my life.

So often Christians, myself highly included, acknowledge God’s power — but only in ways that profit ourselves.
“My God is so powerful, He provided money for this bill.”
“My God is so amazing, He blessed us with this child.”
“My God is so great, He… {fill in the blank}.”

God IS amazing and He DID do all of those things. But what happens when God seemingly stops answering our prayers? What happens when it feels like God is silent? Does God cease to be amazing and sovereign?
And why is it that we pray to God with so much entitlement?
(Job 2:10 – “Shall we receive good from God and not accept adversity?”)
What do we really deserve that God should give us?

The answer is: absolutely nothing. The fact that He sees our sinful hearts and actions and still gives us breath is in itself unbelievably gracious and loving.

These thoughts have been on my mind as I pray about our desire to have a child.

Before starting IVF, my heart was so bitter towards the Lord. I selfishly felt like it wasn’t fair that I had to go through this huge process and spend all this money when it felt like my friends and family would blink and get pregnant. I wondered often if God were punishing me or even what I could do to get God to answer my prayer.

I knew that the easiest response and the one that may have felt right in the moment would be to immediately say “Why, God?!?! You are the Creator and sustainer of LIFE. You could easily, in a second, create a life that we would cherish and love and honor You with. And do You even love us, God? If You do, why don’t You answer our prayers?!”

This response had definitely been forming in my mind throughout the IVF process when nothing seemed to be “going our way.” I kept wondering and worrying about how I would actually react when the end came. The Lord laid it on my heart to ask some women to pray for me in this area – that my response would be honoring and glorifying to God, no matter what.

When we got the call, of course my heart sank and there was so much grief and so many tears. But the tears were only of sadness, not bitterness. I had seen God’s hand throughout this whole process. Not one moment was out of His sovereign hand.
He knew that I needed to see Him differently. I needed to view His love differently. And in the moment of hearing a “no” to one request, another prayer was answered.

Our God has so much love for us. His desires for us are only for our good. How can I ever think otherwise?

I am so comforted that God sees our longing for a child and He feels our pain and sorrow. His power is not in the least bit limited, and I am excited to trust His plan and see what the future holds.

“Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him…” Psalm 37:7a